Wisdom Worksheet –
Prison Wall #2 of Withholding Forgiveness:
Resentment
Jesus
likened withholding forgiveness to a prison (Matthew
A quick review…
Remember
that in Jesus’ parable of the unforgiving debtor, He described three scenes
illustrating the three applications of the story.
Scene One
portrays the largest debt ever incurred (150,000 years’ wages) being forgiven,
or let go, vertically from the king
to his servant. Scene Two paints a similar scenario; however, the debt incurred
horizontally between the forgiven servant and his fellow servant is
comparatively quite small (a hundred days’ wages). The servant who had been
forgiven the largest debt ever incurred will not let go of the small horizontal debt with his fellow servant. He
wants to hold on. Scene Three casts a
dark reality. Word of the forgiven servant’s behavior reaches the king who
responds by throwing the unforgiving servant into prison. Jesus concluded the
parable with quite possibly the most sobering words in Scripture, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat
each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart” (Matt.
As we see
in Jesus’ concluding statement, forgiveness flows from the heart. The Bible
teaches us that two heart conditions exist: proud
and humble. A proud heart is hard and
unforgiving. A humble heart is soft and forgiving. A proud heart holds on. A
humble heart lets go. When someone harms us, we either hold on or we let go. Grace
received vertically from God warrants grace issued horizontally to others. Forgiveness
is the vehicle that transports grace.
What is resentment?
Resentment
means literally to feel again. It is
bitterness, or a poison of the heart. Jesus said that we should forgive from
the heart. The heart is one’s mind, will, emotions, and spirit. Whereas revenge
emphasizes the will, resentment emphasizes the emotions.
How does resentment affect our
vertical relationship with God?
1. It hardens our heart to His. Job’s friend said that the godless
in heart harbor resentment (Job 36:13). When we hold on to resentment, we shut
out the Spirit of God in our lives. Some even resent God’s rebuke, or
correction, in their lives (Prov.
2. It produces bitterness—the poison
of the heart—that turns us away from God (Deut. 29:18; cf. Deut. 32:32; Heb.
(a) Condemnation --
Condemnation is justice without mercy. The
prophet Amos wrote that justice turns into
bitterness when rejecting God (Amos 5:7). He
went on to say that bitterness is poison
(Amos 6:12).
(b) License --
License is mercy
without justice. Oftentimes when we harbor resentment, we focus
on God’s mercy at the expense of His justice. We
are so hurt from the offender’s sin
against us, only
to discover that we merely issue license to be hurt again and again.
Forgiveness
welds together justice and mercy. This
is displayed in its ultimate clarity at the cross of Christ where God’s justice
and His mercy intersect in the sweet spot of His grace. Forgiveness is the
vehicle that transports that grace.
How does resentment affect our
horizontal relationship with others?
1. It hardens our heart to the
offender and often to others because we protect our pride. The Bible describes this hardening
as foolish. Solomon said that a mocker resents correction; he will not even consult
the wise (Prov.
2. This horizontal hardening of the
heart occurs in the same two ways as the vertical: condemnation or license. When we condemn the offender
horizontally, we curse them (Judges
When we
issue license to the offender, we weep
from feeling the pain over and over again (Judges
How do I let go of resentment?
The key
that unlocks the prison cell of withholding forgiveness is cross-shaped. In
order to let go of resentment, I must humble my heart: (1) vertically with God
(receiving His forgiveness of the debt He let go of me in Christ) and (2)
horizontally in relationships (letting go of my resentment toward the offender).
In order to do this, I must pour out the bitter and drink in the sweet (Eph.
How do I let go of resentment
vertically with God? (Parable Movement One)
First, I
must pour out my bitter soul to God (Mark
I pray, or pour out my bitterness, confessing my resentment
(condemnation or license) to God. I must
let go of resentment and its bitter poison. Here is an example: “God, I am harboring resentment against
_______ for ________. I want to let go of the offender’s horizontal debt that
pales in comparison to the largest debt ever recorded, my sin against you, which
you let go of me in Christ. Free me from this imprisonment of holding on to
resentment.”
Second, I
must drink in God’s sweet antidote of
restoration in Christ (Ps. 116:12-13). God restored sweetness to Hannah’s
bitter soul (1 Sam.
I read, or drink in, a restorative passage in Scripture
each day for a month (for example, Philippians because its theme is joy). Peter told Simon the Sorcerer that
the word of God delivers us from bitterness (Acts.
PAUSE and let Wisdom Work. . .
Pour out the bitter --
Pray the following prayer of confession, repentance,
and freedom each day during the
next month until you feel the poison of bitterness
removed from your heart:
“God, I am harboring
resentment against _______ for ________. I want to let go of the
offender’s horizontal debt
that pales in comparison to the largest debt ever recorded, my
sin against you, which
you let go of me in Christ. Free me from this imprisonment of
holding on to
resentment.”
Drink in the sweet --
To support your prayer, read through each of the four
chapters in Philippians every day
for thirty days. Perhaps, read two chapters in the morning
and two in the evening. Drink
in God’s sweet restoration of joy described by David
(Ps. 51:10-12).
How do I let go of resentment
horizontally in relationships? (Parable Movement Two)
First, I
must pour out the bitter poison of
resentment and let go of all condemnation
(cursing) or license (weeping) toward the offender (Eph. 4:31; Prov. 24:17-18).
Second, I drink in the sweet antidote of God’s restoration
in Christ. I recall how the offender has
honored me in his heart (see Gideon and the Ephraimites in
PAUSE and let Wisdom Work. . .
Pour out the bitter --
Pray daily for the next month that God’s Spirit will
empower you to pour out all cursing or
weeping toward the offender.
“God, through the power of your Holy Spirit,
please help me let go of all cursing
(condemnation) or
weeping (license) toward ________ for ________.” I can’t do it on my
own, but through
Christ in me, You can. Give me wisdom to establish boundaries that
might be
Drink in the sweet --
Can you recall a time when the offender honored
you?
Write
or display in your vehicle. Read those verses aloud
each day, allowing the words to
penetrate your heart in an effort to memorize them. Then
pray the verses to God, asking
for His Spirit to empower you to be kind and
compassionate toward the offender with
whom you have held on to resentment. Next, do
it—actually forgive horizontally, and be
kind and compassionate toward the offender. Wisdom
works best when you memorize
these freeing verses and meditate on them.
How do I experience freedom? (Parable Movement
Three)
I keep
practicing the instant forgiveness
experiment in Christ (Eph.
PAUSE and let Wisdom Work. . .
Pour out the bitter --
Instantly let go of revenge and resentment
when wounded by another. As the offense
occurs, immediately give it to Christ. Pray the above
prayers, or simply say to Him
silently, “I can’t
let go. You can.”
Drink in the sweet --
Instantly receive God’s restoration and forgiveness
and release those to the offender
through kindness and compassion.